Can Spring be far behind?

Life is weird right now. On the surface, I’m functioning just fine. My mind, though, is a little screwed up. It’s like everything’s been put into perspective.

I hate the “Hope is Real” ads. This contradicts the title of this post, I know. But, there’s a cocktail of emotions inside me and I just want to get them all out. Anyway, I hate those ads. Statistics can be twisted to provide comfort. Hell, life is just a play on statistics. Birth rate, death rate, IMR, life expectancy.

I don’t know how people can believe in God. Religion is just another form of comfort. And don’t even get me started on astrology and kundlis. Sab bakwaas hai.

I’m aware that I sound borderline crazy. This, too, shall pass.

The Wilhelm Scream–James Blake.

Freedom To Not Protest.

I had my personal space invaded today by a smiling, middle-aged woman [presumably associated with India Against Corruption]. She walked up to me and started pinning a paper badge of the tri-colour onto my t-shirt, ignoring me when I said I didn’t want to put it on.

If I don’t join the protests against corruption/for the right to protest/whatever the cause is now, do I automatically become a part of the problem?

If I don’t support Hazare, do I become less of a patriot?

Days Go By.

This song has been stuck in my head for two whole days, now. Hadh hi ho gayi.

It's been a good day. Nothing substantial happened, if that's what you're thinking. Just one of those days when you laugh like a maniac for no other reason than the fact that you're really, truly happy. I like feeling like this.
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

It’s gonna be a bright, bright, bright sunshiny day

I’m in a funny sort of mood. Things have not exactly been going the way I want them to, but for some strange reason, I’m starting not to care either way. So, even though I didn’t do so great on my exams and the guy I like thought he liked me and then realized he didn’t, you’ll find me saying, “chalo, koi ni” and moving on.

I don’t know if it’s a good thing that nothing deters me or if it’s bad because it means that things don’t affect me anymore.

Actually, things do affect me. Too much, maybe. For all my pessimistic statements about nothing ever turning out right, there’s another voice inside me that hopes that the tide will turn in my favour, this time. Even after all the disappointments I’ve faced, I know tomorrow will be a better day.

 

 

Aayehaaye, I just re-read what I’ve written and I sound like such an angsty teenager. Time to go slap myself.

P.S. I’d tweeted about writing a review on the latest Harry Potter movie. Ended up not writing it, as is obvious. Nothing beats the books. ‘nuff said.

All Kinds of Time

I’ve been having this sick feeling in the gut for a couple of weeks, now. It’s like the anxiety symptom when you have the fear of impending doom. Can’t shake it off.

Been having weird mood-swings off late, too. Sometimes I think I might have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Ek toh the initials are so ironic.

Headed to Bombay on the 9th. Think being with family might fix me.

Six Feet From The Edge

What does it take for someone to kill themselves?

Board results are out and news of suicides has already started pouring in. Is it really just the mark sheet that causes kids today to jump off that ledge, literally and metaphorically? 

Someone I knew took that leap today.

I’d spoken to her a couple of times. My parents know her parents. She studied Math from my 12th grade tutor. Her Facebook updates always flooded my Newsfeed.

And now she’s just not there.

Stuff and Bother

University exams begin in two days and all I can think about is chilling after they get over. Not the best way to go about them, I know. Normally, I’d be staying up all night trying to grasp whatever’s been taught the whole year. But, somehow, the exam pressure isn’t getting to me this time.

This is also the first time I’ve lost weight while preparing for a set  of exams. I usually bloat up because my diet consists of chips and Coke during this period.

Gah, nothing’s happening in my life. Apart from a dream I had that turned out be a premonition. Freaky. But, freakier than that was the fact that I liked feeling that all was lost. I think I might be the teensiest bit masochistic.

I’ve been in a mellow mood for the longest time. Been listening to a lot of Eric Clapton [If I Could Change The World] and Norah Jones [What Am I To You]. And ofcourse, Jiyein Kyun. That song makes me yearn..for what, I haven’t figured out, yet.

Gotta get back to Macroeconomics, now. Later, alligator!

"Why does he love her so much? I mean, what is it about her?"

"I don't know. I don't think I've ever known. I think, sometimes you get it right the first time. And then it defines your life. It becomes who you are."

I want me a Hank Moody.

Come Undone

Had a really weird dream last night.

I had to donate blood the whole day. They gave me a portable line which also had some yellow liquid in a cup that filtered the blood or something. I saw something floating in the liquid some hours into donating so,I threw the liquid out and removed the needle from my arm. Went to get it fixed and the hospital staff didn't believe me about the stuff in the liquid so I made up something about the liquid getting absorbed.

Scene suddenly changed to a store that carried women's clothing. There was supposed to be a dance in the evening where everyone needed to have a date and wear purple. I got a date - don't know who - half an hour before the thing started. Ran about the store trying to look for something to wear.

Then, I woke up.

Can't make head or tail of it. Usually I know why I dreamt what i dreamt because it's always related to something that happened the previous day that triggered it. This dream doesn't remind me of anything.

Don't even know why I'm posting this.

I go on forever.

I love this picture. Took it when I was going to PVR Juhu, Mumbai to watch Yeh Saali Zindagi for a second time. I like how the cars and the lights are blurred in the picture. Like everything but the tree is transient.

Okay, I'll stop with the pretentious fuckery, now.

Pranidhi's new post got me thinking about etymology. I think it's really cool how words from a different language change form and are used in another language, in the same connotation. Like tikozi. For those who don't know, a tikozi is that cloth cover you put on a teapot to keep it warm. The word originates from "tea-cosy" which is what the British used to call it. We picked it up and Indianised it.

Another word whose origin has always fascinated me is 'thug'. Did you know it was taken from the Hindi thug?

I always wondered why my nanaji called the waiters at the Delhi Gymkhana Club baira. Finally asked him about it last year. He told me the word was adapted from 'bearer' which is what the British used to call their man-servants. Try saying it with a British accent. You'll see what I mean.

Got a class in 35 minutes. Later!

Con #1 of being in a packed Ladies Only Metro Compartment

Foot piercings due to someone's stilettos.

Binge for life.

"I'm on the C-food diet. I see food and I eat it."

This old SMS joke is *so* apt for my situation right now. I've been eating everything I lay my eyes on ever since the exams started. Binge eating has always been a side-effect of exam nerves for me.

But, enough is enough. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to get up early and exercise before going to college. Time to lose the winter fat. Summer's not so far away!

That last sentence reminds me of Ode To The West Wind. [If Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?] Why do poets always correlate winter to death and summer to life? Granted plants wither and die in winter. And lot of animals are known to hibernate then. Also, migration of birds and stuff.

Okay, that's a pretty strong back-up for that analogy. But, still! I happen to *like* the cold. It makes me want to snuggle up in my razai with a good book and a hot cup of chai on my bedside table. 'Tis the season for bear hugs and not caring about what you're eating because you're going to be bundled up in a lot of clothes, anyway.

Besides. Most of the major holidays in the year lie in the cold months. Christmas - when Jesus Christ was born. Life, anyone? Diwali - when Lord Ram came back to Ayodhya after waging perhaps the toughest battle of his life. He came out *alive*. [I don't really know a lot about other religions so, forgive me.]

So, where does the death thing come in?

I fell right through the crack. Now, I’m trying to get back.

I don’t know what happens to me once I get done with a set of exams. It’s like I forget how to study. This period is when I’m at my laziest. I just want to lie around in bed all day, watch movies and read books.

I went to see Turning 30 with people from college yesterday. Kaafi useless thi. I knew it would be faaltu but, I still wanted to see it because it had Purab Kohli in it. I’ve been crushing on that guy ever since Hip Hip Hurray first aired on television.

Saw the season premiere of Californication abhi. Hank Moody is yum. And my hair does look like Becca’s! If only mine could retain the straightness forever. *sigh*

Done being random. Later.

Rich told me recently that I whine a lot. I guess it’s true. I also don’t usually appreciate what I have until after I have little or no access to it. Clean laundry, for example. When I lived at home, I thought it’d be cool to do my own laundry. I don’t like the idea of giving my clothes to a dhobi because invariably, they will be damaged. Now that I have to do it myself, I realise how much of a pain it actually is. And I whine about it. [Which reminds me, I saw ads for a laundromat near college, today! Washing machines, how I’ve missed thee.]

One other thing I always whine about is my hair. My disgustingly frizzy hair which I just tie up into a knot most days because I can’t be bothered with it. So, I decided to stop the whining and actually do something about it.  

I took out my scissors, grabbed random bits of hair and cut it. The end result is not half-bad. It’s like Becca Moody’s.

I wish I looked good in really short hair, though. I don’t have the patience to deal with my hair in the morning. I used to have a “boy cut” for 4 years – vo bhi  in that awkward puberty-stricken phase – and when I look at pictures from back then, I cringe my face off.

It was only the memory of that time that stopped me from going crazy with the scissors. Once I start cutting, it’s really hard for me to stop. There’s something so…satisfying about the crunch-crunch sound of hair being cut. Reminds me of that Courage The Cowardly Dog episode when a really weird guy comes to stay with Muriel and Eustace and shaves off all of Courage’s fur.

Anyway, I feel like a cool new person, now. xD

I hate my landlady's dogs.

One is stinky. Pat his head and he'll dump a gallon of spit on your foot. The other is annoying. He'll keep nudging you and trying to bite at your ankles until you yell at him.

Picture this. You're walking to your room, minding your own business. The dogs are sitting right in front of the door, eyeing you. You try to edge sideways past them, trying to avoid a confrontation. But, no. They'll leap up and bark at the <i> exact <i> moment you turn your back to them and scare the shit out of you.

This happens to me at least 5 times a day.