I got this as a forward today:

"The bus driver ram singh went out with his 6 friends ( 2 rkp sabzee wale + all bihari ) the girl and the guy was called by the driver and were given proper tickets ( the bus was a school bus with black curtains .. Not permitted for transport use ) the girl was 23 a very good student and wanted to reach dwarka mor.
After they got in , the guys hit a rod on the guys's head and threw him out , then raped the girl one by one which was moving continuously in the porsh areas of delhi and ncr.
After raping her badly , one of them inserted a very long rod in her vagina which almost killed her and threw her out and ran away.

She was lying in the middle of the road hurt and nude.. Not even a single person helped her or covered her for an hour.
When police came in no one helped them pick her up. They were just not interested at all.

The girl's vagina + small and large intestine is totally damaged and she cannot live a married or normal life. Doctor said " main byaan nai kar sakta ki ussne kya kya jhela hai ... Bolte hue mujhe dard hota hai ". She has gone in coma 5 times from 16th dec. She is unconscious , critical and is not stopping to cry. The ribs are damaged as well.

That's the whole story
And that's what delhi people are.
And her only fault was that she took a wrong bus

You have sisters , mothers , daughters and soo many females at home.
Please don't sit and relax
Its not that small deal ... Its bout your families safety..

Dis msg myt sound way 2 provocative and open 2 broadcast over here bt still it gave me goosebumps ...our bc's and status may not make much of a difference bt still we need 2 be aware of wat exactly has happened wid dat girl , at d end of d day she is sum1's sister sum1's daughter ! Spread it and make ever1 aware of d real plight of dat girl....!!"


I understand the outrage and am personally horrified and enraged about the incident myself.

But, I have a lot of problems with the way people are speaking out about this.

What the hell are "sabzee wale + all bihari" and "that's what delhi people are" supposed to imply? Can we really club everybody belonging to a particular community into the same category just because of something certain twisted individuals did?

Another thing. Why is it that whenever a woman is raped in India, people condemn it with the logic that she is "someone's sister and someone's daughter"? Is it just the so-called familial "honour" that must be guarded with due diligence? Do her rights as an individual count for nothing at all?

The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

"I guess what I'm saying is this all feels very familiar. But, it's not mine to be familiar about."

I finished reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower today. It turned out to be so much more than I had thought it would be.

To be very honest, my interest was piqued only because Emma Watson plays Sam in the movie. So, I downloaded the e-book and started reading it yesterday.

I love the way it's been written. I love what it's about. I love how simply the most complex of thoughts have been conveyed.

I felt like I could relate to each and every one of them.

And therein, I feel, lies the secret behind a good book. It makes you feel like it could have been you.

Spring of Hope, Winter of Despair.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way."

- Charles Dickens, A Tale Of Two Cities



Exactly one year since I spoke to you last.

Fade To Grey

Just another day, only with more lights and a lot of sound. Our lane looks like everyone is getting married tonight, of all nights.

Diwali's no fun without you. Here's hoping that wherever you are, you're blowin' it up.

I miss you, bhai.

Cleaning Out My Closet

I was re-organizing my wardrobe today and realized that I am the definition of a hoarder. It is physically impossible for me to give away my clothes, no matter how old they are. As a result, there is virtually no space in my almirah for any more. The most I can do is shift around what I wear on a more regular basis and keep the abandoned - but still emotionally valuable - stuff at the back.

I wonder why that is, though. Every time I set out to reduce my clutter, I end up finding excuses to keep it after all. For some things, it's understandable. Like certain t-shirts that I stole from Gautam. Those, I'm never letting go.

But, stuff like..okay, I can't think of anything that I don't have a reason to keep. Like the Athens Olympics t-shirt from 2004 that my Nanaji got me when he went to Greece to watch the games. Or the Pure Panjabi t-shirt I bought in the 9th grade which is absolutely faded and frayed, but I still can't seem to stop wearing. [What, it's a cool t-shirt!]

Sigh. I guess I'll just have to get myself a huge ass walk-in wardrobe when I own my own house.

The Sun Must Set to Rise.

"A mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."
- John Milton, Paradise Lost

You know what they say about songs having memories attached to them? How a song will always remind you of a certain time and place and feeling that you associate with it?

I've learnt that it's possible to change that. It's like this quote I read somewhere - "Have you ever read a book twice? Books change every time you read them." [Googled it; it's from The Never Ending Story II: The Next Chapter (1990)]

It's true, you know. At the time, you think this song, this feeling, this place will always mean the same thing to me some years down the line as it does right now. But, it doesn't. People change. We grow up, we grow out of things. Hell, studies have shown that even memories change. [http://www.redorbit.com/news/science/1112697785/human-brain-memory-telephone-game-092012/]

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad the human mind is complex enough to be ever-changing. It means there will come a time when I can finally start listening to some of my favourite songs without being reminded of things I'd rather forget.

This and That.

I’ve finally gotten into the groove when it comes to studying for the CAT. Bas, ab no wasting time in college. Imma sit at home and concentrate.

I really hate Quant sometimes, though. I have very little Mathematical ability. My Dad is a Math genius as is my sister. I think that gene skipped me.

In other nonsensical news, I’ve started watching Breaking Bad. What. A. Show. Maybe I get a little too emotional because the protagonist is suffering from cancer. But, it really is amazing.

Started exercising a little, too. Don’t want my London-induced toned-ness to go away.

I’m so glad I’m not staying in a PG anymore. I didn’t even realize just how much I missed having a room to myself. I don’t feel the need to make plans to meet people just so I get out of my cramped room in Civil Lines. All I want sometimes is to dim the lights, listen to some mellow music and sip on a glass of Coke while writing in my journal/reading a good fanfiction. I can finally do these things, now. Siiiigh!

Something is wrong. I can’t seem to read a book for more than fifteen minutes without getting restless, aajkal. Not cool! I used to be able to shut out the world when I was curled up in bed with a good one.

Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that the book I’m currently trying to read is Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s even shittier than Twilight, I swear. Which is ironic since it was originally Twilight fanfiction.

Bahut ho gaya. It’s time to become a book worm again!

Well, as soon as I’m done with the CAT, anyway. And then my mid-term exams. And then the GMAT. Gah.

“Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson. You find the present tense and the past perfect.”

- Unknown

Saari Umar Humein Sang Rehna Hai.

"Phoolon ka taaron ka, sabka kehna hai
Ek hazaaron mein meri behena hai
Saari umar humein sang rehna hai."

This song has always made me cry. Even before I had a reason. I've never known why. Maybe it's one of those premonitions.

So, it's Rakhi. I see people posting on Facebook/Twitter about their brothers and sisters and how they're bonding today. I want that, too.

This time last year, I was at home. Tanvi and I were tying our rakhis to Gautam and feeding him his favourite laddoos. He divided all his savings - it was a pretty big amount, I can tell you that -amongst the two of us. I remember asking him, "You do know that you'll have to match this in the coming years as well?"

I don't remember what he said in reply.

It really makes me wonder. Why would he do something like that? Did he know all along?




Sent from my iPhone

Happy Birthday, bhai.

Eighteen. Such an iconic age. I remember feeling no different on my eighteenth birthday. But, there was a sense of excitement because I felt like my life was finally going to start. So many new experiences happened that year. Graduated from school. Started college. Started living alone in Delhi. Learnt that you were unwell.

It sucks that you're not here today, hugging me awkwardly and patting my back when I wish you. I don't even remember the last time I hugged you.

You'd want everyone to come over for lunch and for us to sit and talk like a normal, happy family - with or without you. Not this year. This year, I'm planning on staying under the covers, oblivious to the outside world. Maybe 2013 will be better.

Happy birthday to the best guy I knew.


Sent from my iPhone

All I Have To Do Is Dream.

I dreamt of you. You looked like you did when you were in the 5th grade. We had a conversation and I remember laughing at something funny you said.

Then, you had to go.

I waved, but you just kept looking at me. I waved again, thinking you couldn't see my hand in the crowd. You didn't wave back.

What I'd give for you to somehow come back.

Wish You Were Here.

We went for a holiday without you for the first time, last week. It felt so alien to not have you being frustratingly protective about Mamma, Tanvi and I in public places. We had a lot of fun, but kept thinking of how much you would have enjoyed it had you been there.

Tanvi and I missed you especially when we went to a water park. I had no one who wanted to go on the almost-vertical body slide with me. And no one helped me dunk Tanvi under water when she was chillin’ on a tube. Oh, and I missed you so much when we drove quad-bikes in the desert! There’s only so much fun you can have zipping past everyone else when you don’t have anyone racing you and goading you to attempt jumping off a dune.

Your birthday’s coming. I remember how you just wanted everybody in the family together for the day – and it actually happened! Only because you willed it to happen. That was one of the nicest days of my life.

This is from that day when Tanvi insisted we go to the Juhu beach. I look like shit, but it’s too natural a picture for me not to love it.

Back to Delhi tomorrow. Mixed emotions. I want to stay back and chill at home. But, I'm also looking forward to interning for the next six weeks.

I miss having the five of us together. I still haven't gotten used to saying "the four of us". I don't think I ever will. It's unnatural.

Yesterday was the first time after December that I told somebody about what happened. It's amazing how quickly my mood can swing from happy to sad.

I've gone back to my old habit of keeping everything inside. To be honest, I feel like a burden on people when I talk about it. Who wants to be with somebody who puts a dampener on things all the time? I'd rather deal with it myself.

Besides, it's not like talking about it makes it go away.

Sent from my iPhone

Paradise City.

My last exam is day after tomorrow. I can't wait to just get it over with and go back hoooome. It feels like I haven't been to Chandigarh for ages, even though it's only been like a month.

I'll only get to spent five days with ze family, though. Will be in Gurgaon doing an internship for most of the summer. And then I'll be off to summer school in London. College will have already started by the time I come back. Won't go home again till August, basically.

Packed summer. I hope it's interspersed with lazy weekends.

Sent from my iPhone

Read this somewhere and loved it.

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But, if she loves you now, what else matters?

She's not perfect - you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together. But, if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can.

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart.

So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there."

— Bob Marley

Somebody that I used to know.

I'm sitting at your desk and studying for my Macroeconomics final. My eyes wander as I look for reasons not to study.

I see the pendrive you put songs on to listen to in the car. I see a pen you saved for special occasions. The hand-held air pump you bought for your football. Countless PS3 games that you kicked my ass in. The massager you used when your muscles were sore from the treatment. The diary you tried to maintain, but filled instead with Fantasy League permutations.

"This Diary belongs to a Cancerian who has cancer."

I rode a bike for the first time today (the motor kind). My first reaction was wanting to share the experience with you. You would've been much better at it. I almost crashed into another bike. You were always cautious. To the extent that you'd even avoid driving a car out of the fear that one of your muscles would spasm because of the steroids you were on and you'd put people in danger.

As I use the pen you must have used to do your homework for the last time, I realize just how much you took with you, even though you left all these things behind. There is a you-shaped hole in my heart that will never be filled again.

I miss you. Every single minute of every single day.


Sent from my iPhone

Let the light come in

I miss you.

As Time Goes By

I can’t believe January’s already come to an end. I still haven’t started acting on my plans to get down to some serious academic ass-kicking. Bahut ho gaya, bhai. It’s time.

Starting today, I will maintain the perfect balance between work and play. Just sayin’.