This and That.

I’ve finally gotten into the groove when it comes to studying for the CAT. Bas, ab no wasting time in college. Imma sit at home and concentrate.

I really hate Quant sometimes, though. I have very little Mathematical ability. My Dad is a Math genius as is my sister. I think that gene skipped me.

In other nonsensical news, I’ve started watching Breaking Bad. What. A. Show. Maybe I get a little too emotional because the protagonist is suffering from cancer. But, it really is amazing.

Started exercising a little, too. Don’t want my London-induced toned-ness to go away.

I’m so glad I’m not staying in a PG anymore. I didn’t even realize just how much I missed having a room to myself. I don’t feel the need to make plans to meet people just so I get out of my cramped room in Civil Lines. All I want sometimes is to dim the lights, listen to some mellow music and sip on a glass of Coke while writing in my journal/reading a good fanfiction. I can finally do these things, now. Siiiigh!

Something is wrong. I can’t seem to read a book for more than fifteen minutes without getting restless, aajkal. Not cool! I used to be able to shut out the world when I was curled up in bed with a good one.

Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that the book I’m currently trying to read is Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s even shittier than Twilight, I swear. Which is ironic since it was originally Twilight fanfiction.

Bahut ho gaya. It’s time to become a book worm again!

Well, as soon as I’m done with the CAT, anyway. And then my mid-term exams. And then the GMAT. Gah.

“Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson. You find the present tense and the past perfect.”

- Unknown

Saari Umar Humein Sang Rehna Hai.

"Phoolon ka taaron ka, sabka kehna hai
Ek hazaaron mein meri behena hai
Saari umar humein sang rehna hai."

This song has always made me cry. Even before I had a reason. I've never known why. Maybe it's one of those premonitions.

So, it's Rakhi. I see people posting on Facebook/Twitter about their brothers and sisters and how they're bonding today. I want that, too.

This time last year, I was at home. Tanvi and I were tying our rakhis to Gautam and feeding him his favourite laddoos. He divided all his savings - it was a pretty big amount, I can tell you that -amongst the two of us. I remember asking him, "You do know that you'll have to match this in the coming years as well?"

I don't remember what he said in reply.

It really makes me wonder. Why would he do something like that? Did he know all along?




Sent from my iPhone

Happy Birthday, bhai.

Eighteen. Such an iconic age. I remember feeling no different on my eighteenth birthday. But, there was a sense of excitement because I felt like my life was finally going to start. So many new experiences happened that year. Graduated from school. Started college. Started living alone in Delhi. Learnt that you were unwell.

It sucks that you're not here today, hugging me awkwardly and patting my back when I wish you. I don't even remember the last time I hugged you.

You'd want everyone to come over for lunch and for us to sit and talk like a normal, happy family - with or without you. Not this year. This year, I'm planning on staying under the covers, oblivious to the outside world. Maybe 2013 will be better.

Happy birthday to the best guy I knew.


Sent from my iPhone

All I Have To Do Is Dream.

I dreamt of you. You looked like you did when you were in the 5th grade. We had a conversation and I remember laughing at something funny you said.

Then, you had to go.

I waved, but you just kept looking at me. I waved again, thinking you couldn't see my hand in the crowd. You didn't wave back.

What I'd give for you to somehow come back.

Wish You Were Here.

We went for a holiday without you for the first time, last week. It felt so alien to not have you being frustratingly protective about Mamma, Tanvi and I in public places. We had a lot of fun, but kept thinking of how much you would have enjoyed it had you been there.

Tanvi and I missed you especially when we went to a water park. I had no one who wanted to go on the almost-vertical body slide with me. And no one helped me dunk Tanvi under water when she was chillin’ on a tube. Oh, and I missed you so much when we drove quad-bikes in the desert! There’s only so much fun you can have zipping past everyone else when you don’t have anyone racing you and goading you to attempt jumping off a dune.

Your birthday’s coming. I remember how you just wanted everybody in the family together for the day – and it actually happened! Only because you willed it to happen. That was one of the nicest days of my life.

This is from that day when Tanvi insisted we go to the Juhu beach. I look like shit, but it’s too natural a picture for me not to love it.