Happy Birthday, bhai.

Eighteen. Such an iconic age. I remember feeling no different on my eighteenth birthday. But, there was a sense of excitement because I felt like my life was finally going to start. So many new experiences happened that year. Graduated from school. Started college. Started living alone in Delhi. Learnt that you were unwell.

It sucks that you're not here today, hugging me awkwardly and patting my back when I wish you. I don't even remember the last time I hugged you.

You'd want everyone to come over for lunch and for us to sit and talk like a normal, happy family - with or without you. Not this year. This year, I'm planning on staying under the covers, oblivious to the outside world. Maybe 2013 will be better.

Happy birthday to the best guy I knew.


Sent from my iPhone

All I Have To Do Is Dream.

I dreamt of you. You looked like you did when you were in the 5th grade. We had a conversation and I remember laughing at something funny you said.

Then, you had to go.

I waved, but you just kept looking at me. I waved again, thinking you couldn't see my hand in the crowd. You didn't wave back.

What I'd give for you to somehow come back.

Wish You Were Here.

We went for a holiday without you for the first time, last week. It felt so alien to not have you being frustratingly protective about Mamma, Tanvi and I in public places. We had a lot of fun, but kept thinking of how much you would have enjoyed it had you been there.

Tanvi and I missed you especially when we went to a water park. I had no one who wanted to go on the almost-vertical body slide with me. And no one helped me dunk Tanvi under water when she was chillin’ on a tube. Oh, and I missed you so much when we drove quad-bikes in the desert! There’s only so much fun you can have zipping past everyone else when you don’t have anyone racing you and goading you to attempt jumping off a dune.

Your birthday’s coming. I remember how you just wanted everybody in the family together for the day – and it actually happened! Only because you willed it to happen. That was one of the nicest days of my life.

This is from that day when Tanvi insisted we go to the Juhu beach. I look like shit, but it’s too natural a picture for me not to love it.