"Is God willing to prevent evil but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able and not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither willing nor able?
Then why call him God."
- Epicurus

Doodles

I've finally started studying. Acing my tooshuns. Who cares about shitty school?

School's officially over, by the way. Fun. I always thought the day my school got over would be a momentous day. You know, something should happen that makes me remember the 1st of December as my last ever day of school. Waited for that moment the entire day. Never came. Oh, sure. Pictures were clicked, shirts were signed. Some people even cried. I, on the other hand, threw around some shoes, wrote chape cliches on people's shirt sleeves [because, come on. I don't even know you that well.] and generally pranced around, not understanding what all the emotion was for. Maybe it'll sink in sometime later.

Or maybe it already has and I don't really care because the end of school means the start of COLLEGE! Phew. Can hardly wait.

Bloody brothers. I hate them.

Mine is younger to me by 2 and a half years but acts like HE'S older. He's the only person I've ever told to fuck off. I can't help it. He makes me want to tear my hair out and just let loose with the screaming. He has reduced me to an IronMaiden listening-journal ranting-cursing teenager.

I never wanted to be that kid. The kind who shouts, slams doors, hurls abuses and exclaims "You don't understand me!" and "You're ruining my life!" at random intervals. The lines are said to the 'rents when they talk in that irritatingly calm voice that basically just sides with your little brother over the voice of reason [a.k.a. Me] and in doing so, irritate you even more. But that's exactly who I HAVE become - I am loath to admit. So cliche.

The latest annoying incident concerning the fraternus irritatus is him sauntering into MY room, taking away MY bottle of Coke and walking away with it. All the while blatantly ignoring my shouts. Aaaargh. You don't take away my Coke! It's just not done. My fixation with having my own Coke is like Joey's with food. [Joey doesn't share his FOOD!] But, my dear little annoying brother did just that. Took away my Coke. And then proceeded to ignore me when I asked him to return it. Just because he's had a bloody growth spurt and I can no longer beat him up. Uff. How I long for those days when *I* was the one throwing HIM onto the sofa and having the power to beat him to pulp.

Sigh. Good times.

Grow UP.

Why why WHY does this happen?

Just when I finally start to really like a guy, I find something about him that puts me off. I mean, I know Rocky thinks grammar is of absolutely no use while writing and he uses those annoying short forms like "ma" for "my" and "da" for "the" on facebook. Also, almost everything he posts on his guy friends' walls is followed by "bro". Case in point: "Thanx bro. How are you bro?" Ugh.

And that's okay. Loads of people write like that. S'not a problem. But, what I found out IS.

He's shorter than me.

I know, I know. You're prolly wondering why I hadn't noticed that in all this while. The thing is, we're almost always sitting. In tuition. Even when we're waiting to be picked up outside tuition, we're always sitting on somebody or the other's scooty or on the steps or something. Or one of us is sitting and the other is standing. And he looked tall enough. Imagine my surprise when I stand next to him and find that he doesn't come up to the mark. Quite literally.

I'm 5'8" and a half. And I've always been kinda conscious of my height. [That and my shoe size, 9. S'not MY fault I'm tall. And it's not really an anomaly! Bloody shopkeepers with their astonished looks and "itna BADA pair kaise kar liya aapne?!" Nonsense.] Ek to because I was always the tallest one in my class in Sanskriti. [Didn't matter so much in Carmel, because all of us were kids, then. So.] I was the tallest till the 9th gade when everybody started shooting up. Thank God. [There was only ONE guy who was always taller than me. He was my crush to end all crushes. Liked him for 3 bloody years. He's gone and turned into a jerk, now. But, whatever.]

The point is, I always used to WAIT for the 11th and 12th grades because I thought I wouldn't be the tallest one anymore. But then, we shifted to Chandigarh. And I got admitted into an all-girls school. So, yeah. I'm the tallest again. [Along with another girl who has the same first name as mine. What's in a name, my ass. Maybe it is the name.]

All my hopes rest on college, now. 5 months to go...

I'm so pissed off right now, you have no idea. My parents are so restrictive, it's not even funny. Aaj mujhe movie ke liye nahin jaane apne doston ke saath. EVEN though it's like the last holiday before school starts. Is poore hafte chhutiyaan thi and I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. I can't go anywhere. And I know why they're doing this. They think I've "gone astray". That CHANDIGARH, of all places, has led me astray. Ohkay. Like it's worse than Delhi. People in my class there are doing drugs and they think Chandi-fucking-Garh will be the ruin of me. Everytime I ask to go somewhere, I'm met with suspiciious stares and detailed questions like I'm supposed to give them the whole MINUTES of the bloody thing. Had hai, yaar. you'd think they'd trust their OWN 17 YEAR OLD daughter.

Sooo...that half-an-hour-before-tuition thing turned out great. He'd done the assignment already. [Imagine my internal smugness when he told me. :D] So, we sat on the railing of the park outside the tuition place and talked. And talked. And talked. Never ran out of things to say. Even kept talking throughout the duration of the 1.5 hour tuition. Sir had to tell us to shut up. XD

For the sake of this blog, we'll call him Rocky. Not because he's beefed up like Stallone. Or a druggie like Sanjay Dutt.

Oh, and we have a lot in common. Like the fact that we both shifted to Chandigarh in the 11th grade. [He was in BCS, Shimla earlier and I was in Sanskriti, Delhi.] We both are hated by our respective school teachers in Chandigarh but were the faves of the teachers in our old schools. Like the same movies. Both love Heath Ledger [though he loves him in a completely non-gay way] and think it's a tragedy he died.

And he's so cute! We were sitting in tuition and he was telling me about how a friend of his Dad's used to fool him with that thumb-cutting trick [the one where you join both your thumb and then cover and slide so that it looks like you're cutting it] when he was in the 1st grade and how he used to try and figure it out but still didn't know how to. So, I put his hands in formation and showed him. You had to be there to see how excited he got that he could finally do it! X]

Haan. That was a week ago. Since then, there have been smiles and eye-contact and talking - though not as much as that day because A's usually there, too. And because a bench seats 3 people and a lot of bad luck, Arshiya always sits in the middle. [She was absent that day.] Sucks.

Chalo. Exams are a-knockin'. Don't have much time to foola round, anyway. Sigh.

Okay. Day's not so bad.

There's this guy in my accounts and maths tuition.

Tall(er than me. I think.). With 1/(cos c) hair. [sec c = 1/(cos c). Geddit?!] Strong jaw. Hottie vaala face. And very cute gluteus maximus.

We've been talking a lot lately. Sitting together for tuition and all and cracking jokes the whole time. The inevitable happened. Boy-crazy that I am, I developed a crush on him. Which just might be reciprocated, judging by today's happenings.

See. I have Eco tuition at the same place as we have Accounts together immediately after, wokay. So, he goes back after Accounts and I stay on for Eco. The same happened today. The only difference being that when I came out after Eco, he was standing there with his car keys in his hand.

Long story short, he'd driven back to ask me to come half an hour early tomorrow so he could copy my Maths assignment. Oh, and we're not going to sit in class and do it. [Because my maths tutor has a weird habit of spouting his Urdu lessons to people who come early.] Prolly in his car. And I should also mention that a couple of his friends come for tuition, too. He could've easily asked them.

;D

I hate hate hate Bittu.

Today, she asked SS to change seats and sit somewhere else because she dad "banned" her from sitting with me. She also went on to say that SS would get lower grades if she continued sitting with me as the conversations she had with me were not in the least enlightening. Oh, and also that I was a "bad influence". Right.

It's funny how Sanskriti considered me "one of their best students" while Carmel seems to think of me as the bane of their existence.

School is the usual. Authority figures suck. People are fun. The latest that happened was MC [that's Sister Maria-Christie. The Principal.] calling Pa up and telling him I've been late 3 times this month [Absolute lie. Only twice. Eheh.]. Anyway. That's not even the part that's important. She insinuated I was getting late because there was some "problem" at home. God. Like someone can't be late for school simply because they got up late.

"The Crucial Year" vaali feeling is starting to set in. Aaj school mein these people from Glion Hospitality Management Institutes or something had ome to give a presentation. And this really cool counsellor had come with them [humaare school vaali SUCKS. She tells every bloody thing to MC. No point in going to her. You'll just become fodder for the gossip.] and he talked about how you should set your goal first and then work backwards while planning your career. So, I started thinking. I want to do Management, okay. Marketing. [Wanted to do the copywriting stuff pehle, but it pays really less and money matters.] And I want to go outside India for that. Exposure and bloody freedom.

Anyway. For that, I have to graduate. Uske liye, main sochri thi ke I'll give the CPT exam [that's for Chartered Accountancy] next June. The reasults and all will come out in like a month. Tab tak I'll get admitted into a good college [hopefully, SRCC or Stephen's] for B.Comm. Hons. or Eco. Hons. CA mein there's no institute, wokay. Everything is hands-on. You study and give exams for around 1 year and then intern in an organisation [like an accounting firm or something] and work a 9-5 day. Plus study and sit for exams alongside. So, I'm going to do the first year in College normally. Then leave college, do B.Comm. or Eco [whatever I like best by the time the Boards end] by correspondence and do my CA. I'll become a qualified CA at the end of 2.5 years - which is earlier than I'll become a graduate. So, I'll prolly work as a CA for around 1 or 2 years. Build the funds. Give the TOEFL and GMATs and all [whatever's needed for Post-Graduation] and then apply outside for an MBA.

Let's see how it works out.

Nicki French

Total Solar Eclipse tomorrow! Biggest of the century. [Go HERE to read more about it.]

Actually, I didn't even know about it till a few hours ago. I thought school was starting an hour late tomorrow because of the CBSE compartment exams or something. A 10thie enlightened me. Kids never leave a chance to run you down. = /

Anyway! I'm going to watch it. Through a pinhole camera, ofcourse. Not that stoopid. [Tangent: "Stupid" looks so much better when you type it with two 'o's instead of one 'u'.] How I'll get a pinhole camera, you ask? Why, I'm going to make one myself! From a Pringles ka khaali dabba. Made one for my 8th grade Science Project. Fuuun!

[Learn how to make a Pringles Pinhole Camera HERE.]

I'm going to bike around town tomorrow morning till it's time for the eclipse. Then, I'ma cyckle to the Sector 16 vaali market and watch it with E [the 10thie]. And eat my all-time fave combo of Coke + Lays Magic Masala. Then, I'm going to have to go back home and go to school. Sheh!

Speaking of which. My English teacher [who is also my Class Teacher] is a bitch. No, scratch that. A vindictive, crafty, frustrated, petty bitch. Bittu The Bitch for short. She's after mine and S's lives! Had kardi! It's like she's waiting for us to to even think about breaking her rules [which are just a pathetic excuse for her to be able to ruin our lives so she can distract herself from her sad, sad life] so she can pounce on us and threaten to call home.

Leh. Ismein kya hai? Karle phone! Tujhe hi jhaad padegi! Heh. Ma's ready to gun her down. Contemplating suing her for causing me mental trauma. Ahaha! Seriously, yaar. Mallab she has a problem with me drinking water in class! Says it "distracts" her. A more disturbing thing, I haven't heard. What, the sight of me tilting my head back and pouring cold, sweet water into my open mouth renders her speechless? She loses all conscious thought? Mental.

Chalo. Time for me to go and try to follow my timetable for today. Keyword: "try".

REM

Dreamt I was in Chandigarh and there was a car on the road driving itself. I stopped it multiple times and tried to find out who was driving it.

Scene changes. In school now. School is Sanskriti, only had Carmel's infrastructure - only a better cleaner Carmel. Has Sanskriti people + people I've never met. This particularly strict Maths teacher is sitting in the class I'm in, and G and P are in a different section. The only people I know who're with me in this section are Baarish (who seems to be pissed with me), Salsa and Tharra.I somehow tell somebody from the other class to tell the teacher we're needed upstairs. She doesn't believe us and asks somebody to go and confirm. Varsha volunteers before I can.

She takes ages but ultimately comes back with Saxy, who's a known goody-two-shoes (she's strapped with two backpacks, don't know why), who convinces madamji that we ARE needed.So she agrees reluctantly and we go upstairs to the other class. G and P ignore me completely and I do the same and go sit with AB and Salsa and Saxy like we used to the 7th grade.Then somehow I'm watching a guy playing some videogame on his chhotu laptop. 2-3 other people are playing on their lappys, too.

Then I wake up. Weird or what?

It's out.

The verdict is out. It's none of them. Eheh.

FunnyBoy's a friend. Nothing more, nothing less. Yeah, I did think I liked him. But, that was more because of the circumstances. You know, the ambience in Hookah and all. Plus the thrill of trying out something forbidden for the first time. He's nice and all, but no.

HotBum, on the other hand, is kinda boring. Now, that's just my own judgement. [Yeah, I judge guys. So what?] We've been talking on FaceBook and it's such a bloody effort making conversation, it's not even funny. I need a little wordplay for foreplay. Heh.

Oh, and this friend of mine in tuition told me she was advised to "stay away from him" because he apparently has this reputation of spreading nasty rumours about girls he barely knows. So I'm a little wary.

This post got me thinking. Why is it that I always like the losers? First there was TheJerk. He called, flirted, made plans to meet, and cancelled at the last minute because of "some theatre I'm doing". Again and bloody again. Hello? What is THIS nonsense.

Then there was Ice. He was a friend, okay. And we talked a lot because we both were going through the awkward limbo you're in when you've just shifted from, say, Delhi to Chandigarh. [Or Jallandhar in his case.] So, yeah. I developed a crush. And I think he liked me a little, too. Because things started taking a turn towards the "friends with benefits" thing. And it wasn't like I minded much. But, then I find out he's blurting stuff I've told him in confidence out to random people as conversation starters or something. *shakes head*

*sigh* I really do pick 'em, don't I?

Funny No More

What the hell. Just 2 days ago when I told P and G that I might like FunnyBoy, they were very gung-ho about it, saying we'd make a good couple and shit. And suddenly, out of the bloody blue, today when I reached CP after meeting GaGa and Poopin and Tharra and Dada, they're like, no. He's not good for you. That he's rude and cheap and not nice.

Hello? What about the "good vibes" that they got from this thing? Now, they say he's sick because of basically two reasons.

a) He's contemptuous of people who've taken Commerce or Humanities.Well. That's hardly a reason to black-list him. LOTS of people feel that way. In fact, most Indians. And yeah, I don't agree with that view. But to each their own, man. He'll ultimately figure out that sciencies work harder, but earn much lesser in their starting packages than us commerce and humanities people. ; ]

b) He let's girls pay for him when he meets up with people.Okay. That IS cheap. I don't care about the letting GIRLS specifically pay for him vaala part. Just the fact that he doesn't pay for his share.But then again. He's living alone with another guy right now. His dad's outta the country and his (step)mom's in Bombay. He's on a tight budget because his Dad doesn't give him too much allowance. Frugality or something. I don't know.
Yeah, he COULD avoid going out so frequently or something. Self-respect and all.Actually, I don't really have complaints regarding that. We both paid, both the times we met. So. Yeah.

Oh, and G also said that he stinks. And that he whispers bad jokes during Maths class which apparently shows disrespect for their teacher. Oh. Okay. So, I should not like him because of that.

Decisions, Decisions.

Yeah, so I'm kinda confused between these two guys right now. One's a friend in Delhi I rcently re-met and the other's in my Maths and Eco tuitions. Prospects look good with both, actually. But, I'm not really sure which one I like better.

Delhi guy, a.k.a. FunnyBoy, is a lot of fun. Abhi when I met him in Delhi, we met. And I've never thought of him in anything other than a totally platonic way, okay. But, I don't know. Maybe it was the dim lighting and the way I had to look upto him while ensconced on the sofa and he had to look down at me through his fringe. Maybe the fact that he's 6'2" to my 5'8" and I feel SO good standing next to him because I feel small and not-big. Which is basically the same thing, but yeah. Or maybe the fact that I had my first sorta-date with him. It was also the first time he missed a FIITJEE class. Basically to meet me. So, I'm pretty sure there IS some amount of liking.

Tuition Guy, a.k.a. HotBum, is hot. I don't really know him that well. Not at all, actually. The first time we talked was on the last day of Maths tuition (after which I went to Delhi and thought I liked FunnyBoy). I sat next to him. And since the benches are joint, we were practically joined from the hip down. Nayeece. ; D Yeaaah. So, he started talking to me about something related to Eco tuition. And we talked and chuckled on stoopid stuff throughout. Then I went to Delhi and he sent me friend request on FaceBook. And I wrote on his wall. And we're talking, now. He's cute. = ]

No verdict, yet.

To The Beginning [Prologue?]

I'm 17 years old. Born in Chandigarh. Lived in Chandigarh till the middle of the 6th grade, then shifted to Delhi, and shifted back to Chandigarh in the middle of the 11th grade. I'm what they call a tomboy. Heterosexual. Love reading. Love playing football. Love figuring out how stuff works before reading the manual. Love getting dirty. Pun might be intended. ; D

Soooo...yeah. I'll fill you in with the rest as and when I get to it.