Fade To Grey

Just another day, only with more lights and a lot of sound. Our lane looks like everyone is getting married tonight, of all nights.

Diwali's no fun without you. Here's hoping that wherever you are, you're blowin' it up.

I miss you, bhai.

Cleaning Out My Closet

I was re-organizing my wardrobe today and realized that I am the definition of a hoarder. It is physically impossible for me to give away my clothes, no matter how old they are. As a result, there is virtually no space in my almirah for any more. The most I can do is shift around what I wear on a more regular basis and keep the abandoned - but still emotionally valuable - stuff at the back.

I wonder why that is, though. Every time I set out to reduce my clutter, I end up finding excuses to keep it after all. For some things, it's understandable. Like certain t-shirts that I stole from Gautam. Those, I'm never letting go.

But, stuff like..okay, I can't think of anything that I don't have a reason to keep. Like the Athens Olympics t-shirt from 2004 that my Nanaji got me when he went to Greece to watch the games. Or the Pure Panjabi t-shirt I bought in the 9th grade which is absolutely faded and frayed, but I still can't seem to stop wearing. [What, it's a cool t-shirt!]

Sigh. I guess I'll just have to get myself a huge ass walk-in wardrobe when I own my own house.

The Sun Must Set to Rise.

"A mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."
- John Milton, Paradise Lost

You know what they say about songs having memories attached to them? How a song will always remind you of a certain time and place and feeling that you associate with it?

I've learnt that it's possible to change that. It's like this quote I read somewhere - "Have you ever read a book twice? Books change every time you read them." [Googled it; it's from The Never Ending Story II: The Next Chapter (1990)]

It's true, you know. At the time, you think this song, this feeling, this place will always mean the same thing to me some years down the line as it does right now. But, it doesn't. People change. We grow up, we grow out of things. Hell, studies have shown that even memories change. [http://www.redorbit.com/news/science/1112697785/human-brain-memory-telephone-game-092012/]

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad the human mind is complex enough to be ever-changing. It means there will come a time when I can finally start listening to some of my favourite songs without being reminded of things I'd rather forget.

This and That.

I’ve finally gotten into the groove when it comes to studying for the CAT. Bas, ab no wasting time in college. Imma sit at home and concentrate.

I really hate Quant sometimes, though. I have very little Mathematical ability. My Dad is a Math genius as is my sister. I think that gene skipped me.

In other nonsensical news, I’ve started watching Breaking Bad. What. A. Show. Maybe I get a little too emotional because the protagonist is suffering from cancer. But, it really is amazing.

Started exercising a little, too. Don’t want my London-induced toned-ness to go away.

I’m so glad I’m not staying in a PG anymore. I didn’t even realize just how much I missed having a room to myself. I don’t feel the need to make plans to meet people just so I get out of my cramped room in Civil Lines. All I want sometimes is to dim the lights, listen to some mellow music and sip on a glass of Coke while writing in my journal/reading a good fanfiction. I can finally do these things, now. Siiiigh!

Something is wrong. I can’t seem to read a book for more than fifteen minutes without getting restless, aajkal. Not cool! I used to be able to shut out the world when I was curled up in bed with a good one.

Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that the book I’m currently trying to read is Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s even shittier than Twilight, I swear. Which is ironic since it was originally Twilight fanfiction.

Bahut ho gaya. It’s time to become a book worm again!

Well, as soon as I’m done with the CAT, anyway. And then my mid-term exams. And then the GMAT. Gah.

“Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson. You find the present tense and the past perfect.”

- Unknown

Saari Umar Humein Sang Rehna Hai.

"Phoolon ka taaron ka, sabka kehna hai
Ek hazaaron mein meri behena hai
Saari umar humein sang rehna hai."

This song has always made me cry. Even before I had a reason. I've never known why. Maybe it's one of those premonitions.

So, it's Rakhi. I see people posting on Facebook/Twitter about their brothers and sisters and how they're bonding today. I want that, too.

This time last year, I was at home. Tanvi and I were tying our rakhis to Gautam and feeding him his favourite laddoos. He divided all his savings - it was a pretty big amount, I can tell you that -amongst the two of us. I remember asking him, "You do know that you'll have to match this in the coming years as well?"

I don't remember what he said in reply.

It really makes me wonder. Why would he do something like that? Did he know all along?




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