"Is God willing to prevent evil but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able and not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither willing nor able?
Then why call him God."
- Epicurus

Doodles

I've finally started studying. Acing my tooshuns. Who cares about shitty school?

School's officially over, by the way. Fun. I always thought the day my school got over would be a momentous day. You know, something should happen that makes me remember the 1st of December as my last ever day of school. Waited for that moment the entire day. Never came. Oh, sure. Pictures were clicked, shirts were signed. Some people even cried. I, on the other hand, threw around some shoes, wrote chape cliches on people's shirt sleeves [because, come on. I don't even know you that well.] and generally pranced around, not understanding what all the emotion was for. Maybe it'll sink in sometime later.

Or maybe it already has and I don't really care because the end of school means the start of COLLEGE! Phew. Can hardly wait.

Bloody brothers. I hate them.

Mine is younger to me by 2 and a half years but acts like HE'S older. He's the only person I've ever told to fuck off. I can't help it. He makes me want to tear my hair out and just let loose with the screaming. He has reduced me to an IronMaiden listening-journal ranting-cursing teenager.

I never wanted to be that kid. The kind who shouts, slams doors, hurls abuses and exclaims "You don't understand me!" and "You're ruining my life!" at random intervals. The lines are said to the 'rents when they talk in that irritatingly calm voice that basically just sides with your little brother over the voice of reason [a.k.a. Me] and in doing so, irritate you even more. But that's exactly who I HAVE become - I am loath to admit. So cliche.

The latest annoying incident concerning the fraternus irritatus is him sauntering into MY room, taking away MY bottle of Coke and walking away with it. All the while blatantly ignoring my shouts. Aaaargh. You don't take away my Coke! It's just not done. My fixation with having my own Coke is like Joey's with food. [Joey doesn't share his FOOD!] But, my dear little annoying brother did just that. Took away my Coke. And then proceeded to ignore me when I asked him to return it. Just because he's had a bloody growth spurt and I can no longer beat him up. Uff. How I long for those days when *I* was the one throwing HIM onto the sofa and having the power to beat him to pulp.

Sigh. Good times.

Grow UP.

Why why WHY does this happen?

Just when I finally start to really like a guy, I find something about him that puts me off. I mean, I know Rocky thinks grammar is of absolutely no use while writing and he uses those annoying short forms like "ma" for "my" and "da" for "the" on facebook. Also, almost everything he posts on his guy friends' walls is followed by "bro". Case in point: "Thanx bro. How are you bro?" Ugh.

And that's okay. Loads of people write like that. S'not a problem. But, what I found out IS.

He's shorter than me.

I know, I know. You're prolly wondering why I hadn't noticed that in all this while. The thing is, we're almost always sitting. In tuition. Even when we're waiting to be picked up outside tuition, we're always sitting on somebody or the other's scooty or on the steps or something. Or one of us is sitting and the other is standing. And he looked tall enough. Imagine my surprise when I stand next to him and find that he doesn't come up to the mark. Quite literally.

I'm 5'8" and a half. And I've always been kinda conscious of my height. [That and my shoe size, 9. S'not MY fault I'm tall. And it's not really an anomaly! Bloody shopkeepers with their astonished looks and "itna BADA pair kaise kar liya aapne?!" Nonsense.] Ek to because I was always the tallest one in my class in Sanskriti. [Didn't matter so much in Carmel, because all of us were kids, then. So.] I was the tallest till the 9th gade when everybody started shooting up. Thank God. [There was only ONE guy who was always taller than me. He was my crush to end all crushes. Liked him for 3 bloody years. He's gone and turned into a jerk, now. But, whatever.]

The point is, I always used to WAIT for the 11th and 12th grades because I thought I wouldn't be the tallest one anymore. But then, we shifted to Chandigarh. And I got admitted into an all-girls school. So, yeah. I'm the tallest again. [Along with another girl who has the same first name as mine. What's in a name, my ass. Maybe it is the name.]

All my hopes rest on college, now. 5 months to go...

I'm so pissed off right now, you have no idea. My parents are so restrictive, it's not even funny. Aaj mujhe movie ke liye nahin jaane apne doston ke saath. EVEN though it's like the last holiday before school starts. Is poore hafte chhutiyaan thi and I wasn't allowed to go anywhere. I can't go anywhere. And I know why they're doing this. They think I've "gone astray". That CHANDIGARH, of all places, has led me astray. Ohkay. Like it's worse than Delhi. People in my class there are doing drugs and they think Chandi-fucking-Garh will be the ruin of me. Everytime I ask to go somewhere, I'm met with suspiciious stares and detailed questions like I'm supposed to give them the whole MINUTES of the bloody thing. Had hai, yaar. you'd think they'd trust their OWN 17 YEAR OLD daughter.

Sooo...that half-an-hour-before-tuition thing turned out great. He'd done the assignment already. [Imagine my internal smugness when he told me. :D] So, we sat on the railing of the park outside the tuition place and talked. And talked. And talked. Never ran out of things to say. Even kept talking throughout the duration of the 1.5 hour tuition. Sir had to tell us to shut up. XD

For the sake of this blog, we'll call him Rocky. Not because he's beefed up like Stallone. Or a druggie like Sanjay Dutt.

Oh, and we have a lot in common. Like the fact that we both shifted to Chandigarh in the 11th grade. [He was in BCS, Shimla earlier and I was in Sanskriti, Delhi.] We both are hated by our respective school teachers in Chandigarh but were the faves of the teachers in our old schools. Like the same movies. Both love Heath Ledger [though he loves him in a completely non-gay way] and think it's a tragedy he died.

And he's so cute! We were sitting in tuition and he was telling me about how a friend of his Dad's used to fool him with that thumb-cutting trick [the one where you join both your thumb and then cover and slide so that it looks like you're cutting it] when he was in the 1st grade and how he used to try and figure it out but still didn't know how to. So, I put his hands in formation and showed him. You had to be there to see how excited he got that he could finally do it! X]

Haan. That was a week ago. Since then, there have been smiles and eye-contact and talking - though not as much as that day because A's usually there, too. And because a bench seats 3 people and a lot of bad luck, Arshiya always sits in the middle. [She was absent that day.] Sucks.

Chalo. Exams are a-knockin'. Don't have much time to foola round, anyway. Sigh.